Curse

Tender Wolf · Apr 10, 2008, 02:10 AM // 02:10

Another new hobby! I may base the continuance of this on the public reviews. My newspaper seems to be getting lots of hits, so if this doesn't work too well, or even if it does, I may just combine the two. The magazine basically covers things you wouldn't find in a newspaper (such as the embarassing moments and styles). Here you have it, issue 1!

COMBAT
Be a Tease!
Want to really get under your opponent’s skin? Tease them! But teasing isn’t only looking good or acting sexy. In this case, make your opponent think you’re going to attack, and this will cause them to waste their energy, giving you time to dodge their attacks and strike them down. This is especially recommended for mesmers, as they can cast more quickly, thus wasting their energy faster and before you end your “attack”.
For opponents that cast larger spells, your best bet is to daze them. Otherwise, they will see you stop “attacking” and stop casting, thus rendering this method useless as their energy will be preserved.

FASHION & BEAUTY/STYLE
Get Springy!
Springtime is here! And what better way to celebrate than by breaking out all the spring colors and styles? Ladies, get your pink and lavender skirts out, and guys, break out those sky blue and green pants and jackets! Feeling a little more ambitious? Try adding some yellow flare! You’ll look springy and cheerful just as the weather starts to warm up!

Not Short, Fun-Size!
The short hair is in this season! Have long hair? If you want to be in style you should get it trimmed! Or at least shoulder-length, because when summer rolls around, having short hair will help reduce the amount of heat you’ll have to bear. Longer hair can cover your neck and make it sweat, so to be comfortable, short hair is the way to go!
Short hair is also easier to take care of and easier to have fun in during the summer when school is out. Styles could be limited, but there are still ways to look cute!

LOVE
Does True Love Really Exist?
When you look around, you see couples every day. Couples that are either happy, successful, or both. But some single citizens ask themselves upon seeing these couples, “Does true love really exist?”
Some believe that true love happens, but only at the most opportune moment. Some believe that true love happens at first sight. And still some believe that true love doesn’t exist at all, and that there are people out there who only claim love to get what they want and leave.
Everything has a dangerous side, but perhaps none more than love itself. If you find the right person, you have been blessed. But some, like Zoey Crimsontears, have given up on love.
“I gave up on love after five men either turned out to not be who they said they were, or used me and left me,” she said. “I believe that I’m destined to be alone in life. As for the couples who claim to be in love, my advice to them is be careful because sometimes the people you trust the most are the ones that stab you in the back the hardest.”
However, Gabriel and Valerie Silverwood say that they have been “happily married for five years and our daughter is proof of that. True love does exist, but you have to know how to find it.”
Our love expert, fortune teller Treva Ashrock, gives her advice.
“The key to finding true love is to not look for it,” she says. “If you’re out there searching for that special someone, you will never find him or her. Patience is a virtue in every aspect, and love is no exception.”
Still, many citizens do have their own beliefs, but they are entitled to that right. The question lies within yourself – do you believe in true love?

HEALTH
Fat VS. Phat
It seems like everyone in the Guild Wars world today is skinny and in shape. But for some citizens like Rydia Swirlingsea and her boyfriend Zane Hardstone, this should not always be acceptable.
Rydia and Zane believe that “just because not everyone is born with the perfect body is no reason for them to be outcast from society”. Doctors say that there is some truth to this statement, as “everyone has a different body, and although this could be in part to diet and exercise habits, biological genes are also a major factor”.
Both Rydia and Zane were born weight more than the average baby, and were picked on in their youths for still being overweight. When they met in Shing Jea Monastery during the Canthan New Year, it was love at first sight. “It goes to show that even fat people can find true love,” Rydia said.
But the two lovers continued to be frowned upon only for their weight. This went too far when the two journeyed to Rata Sum and were refused armor made for them “because we were too big to waste so much material on, and we should go see the Norn instead,” said Zane.
After this incident, the two formed the “Who’s the Real Pig?” petition. “People should respect others and be allowed to eat whatever they want,” said Rydia. Zane added that “people shouldn’t get strange looks because they’re different. Since we’re bigger, we have bigger stomachs, so we eat more. But people look at us as if they’re thinking, ‘why should they eat more/so much? They’re fat enough already!’ It’s time this stops – the gods love everyone, including us, but those rude people who say we’ll be punished by the gods for disgracing all heroes should watch their own back, because I bet the gods have a special treat just for them when they die. They’ll probably suffer a terrible death at the hands of Grenth.”
There are other overweight citizens in the Guild Wars world, but none of them had any comments. “They’re most likely afraid of getting worse publicity than they already do,” says Rydia, “but we need all the help we can get! When we get called pigs, the name-callers should look in the mirror because the way they act is more savage than the way we look.”

ADVICE
Talk to Treva
Q. – My best friend has been acting very distant lately. I’m worried that something is bothering her, but I’m afraid to approach her without offending her. What should I do? - Eliza
A. – It’s understandable that you’d be worried about your best friend. But though you may be afraid to approach her, you shouldn’t hesitate to do so if you think something is seriously wrong. It could be a matter that is out of your hands, but if that’s the case, don’t hesitate to tell someone who can help.

Q. – I’ve been having serious rage fits lately. I get angry over the smallest things and am starting to hurt the people I care about. Could I have anger management issues? – Davok
A. – It does sound like you could have an anger problem, but the good news is, there are things you can do about it! There are doctors and psychiatrists you can talk to who specialize in anger management, and they will teach you how to express your anger in healthy ways that won’t hurt your friends and family.

SALES
Smell & Feel Hot
Want to smell nice and hot but not pay top dollar? Then check out Inferno, the new fragrance for men and women! Made from molten magma and combined with the scent of the Jade Sea, this cologne is guaranteed to make you feel hot and is sold for only 300g a bottle! Inferno – Ignite Your Fire

JUST FOR FUN
Embarassing Moments
I was just learning how to cast Meteor Shower in my studies. I was so excited to finally get the hang of it! My instructor told me to demonstrate it to my fellow students. But as I was casting the spell, I felt my stomach rumble. I thought nothing of it, until I let out a huge fart right in the middle of my spell! Needless to say, I interrupted my own spell and my fellow students were laughing. To add insult to injury, my instructor said, “That’s not the kind of fire balls we wanted to see or smell.” – Devon

I was going to star in a play in the Bokka Amphitheatre, and I was so excited! I rehearsed my lines for weeks, and I had a solo to perform as well. On the day of the play, there were probably thousands of people in the audience. The problem is, I was feeling very nervous and my stomach was acting up. But I figured I just had a little bit of stage fright. When it came time for my solo, I began singing, but right in the middle of the song, my breakfast didn’t stay down and I threw up all over the stage. The audience clapped and cheered, but I was so humiliated I just ran off the stage and didn’t come back for the rest of the show! – Abigail

When I was studying to become a mesmer in Istan, I met a beautiful monk named Bionca. We hit it off well, and became a couple. So when I was going to return home to visit my family, I invited her to come with me. My family loved her right away. I had some chores to do and Bionca offered to help me. But by that point, things were hot and heavy with us, so we ended up just making out in the field. Plus it was very hot so I removed my shirt. Everything was fine until my seven-year-old brother round us and ran into the house screaming that we were “doing nasty things”. I haven’t brought Bionca back home with me since. Luckily, things went much smoother when I met her family! – Isaac

I was really interested in this girl who lived in my village. I wanted to try to impress her by using my natural sense of humor to tell her a few jokes. Well, things were going fine, and she was laughing, so I figured I was doing okay. So I added another joke, but when I finished it, it even got me laughing. No big deal, except while laughing, I sneezed and farted at the exact same time! Needless to say, we never went out. – Jasper

I was on my first date with a great warrior. We were getting along fine until we snuck off into the forest to have some “bonding time”. But right at that “moment”, my date got an odd look on his face and said, “What’s that?” He was pointing down to the ground. Thanks to the moonlight, I could tell. But I wish I wouldn’t have been able to, because what it was turned out to be blood! I’d just gotten my “monthly visitor!” So of course the guy never asked me out again. - Jayce

Upcoming Events
Every weekend for an entire month, journey to Kessex Peak if you are a fan of jousting or pirates! Bonus points if you love both.
A jousting tournament will take place every weekend next month in Kessex Peak in front of the floating castle. But the catch is, all the jousters will be wearing pirate attire! Purchase tickets anywhere for 1k each!

The Guild Wars Commandments
Some citizens believe that commandments should be established in the Guild Wars environment, if only to help peace. Ten of these commandments have been enforced. They are:

Thou shall not side with the enemy
Though shall put others before himself/herself
Honor they guild mates and allies
Thou shall not steal another’s possessions or identity
Thou shall bow before all superiors and treat them with respect
Thou shall not lie or falsify facts
Thou shall not trick others
Thou shall not leave party member to die
Thou shall not disgrace the gods
Thou shall not discriminate against other races, genders, alliances, etc.

As a joke, one of these writers had the idea to add, in honor of Frye Fausto, “thou shall not be noobish”, but this commandment will not be implemented.

ASTROLOGY
Warrior - Your strength will come in handy when your party relies on you to save them.
Elementalist - Preserve your energy even though you were trained to have excess amounts.
Mesmer - Use your inspiration magic to inspire others that they too can succeed well in battle.
Ranger - You may have a trusty animal companion at your side, but don’t underestimate the power of a full party.
Necromancer - If you are in a deadly battle, don’t hesitate to be selfish and steal health from your opponent.
Monk - Everyone makes mistakes, so if you can’t possibly protect everyone from harm, be proud that you did the best you could.
Ritualist - Choose wisely whether you wish to summon spirits or heal your allies. Both have benefits and costs.
Assassin - Don’t get too cocky with your critical strikes – even assassins have times when they don’t win.
Paragon - Use your known title of guardian angel of Elona to your advantage and help those in need.
Dervish - Embrace the power of the gods, for you are lucky to be able to take on such forms.

STAFF
Editor - Nadine Skydance
Reporter - Milo Speeddemon
Photographer - Gina Rosewind

FlamingMetroid · Apr 10, 2008, 02:15 AM // 02:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tender Wolf

Assassin - Don’t get too cocky with your critical strikes – even assassins have times when they don’t win.
[

lol
assassins not winning, thats crazy

Julia-Louis Dreyfus · Apr 10, 2008, 02:18 AM // 02:18

i say this with full respect, and dont mean to flame at all, honestly. but WTF! seriously, i mean, i know im posting on forums but this is crazy. this is a GAME isnt it? even when i was "into" this game i didnt do stuff like this, but w/e makes you happy i guess. didntk now anyone took it this seriously anymore

jimmyboveto · Apr 10, 2008, 02:23 AM // 02:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julia-Louis Dreyfus

i say this with full respect, and dont mean to flame at all, honestly. but WTF! seriously, i mean, i know im posting on forums but this is crazy. this is a GAME isnt it? even when i was "into" this game i didnt do stuff like this, but w/e makes you happy i guess. didntk now anyone took it this seriously anymore

I personally think it is kind of cool that someone is doing this. Some people like to show off their creative side. It's almost like a player-made, and more in depth, scribe.

Julia-Louis Dreyfus · Apr 10, 2008, 02:45 AM // 02:45

yeah creative side is one thing, just dont get how people can waste time doing this. like i said before sorry, dont mean any disrespect, forget i said anything

jonnieboi05 · Apr 10, 2008, 04:06 AM // 04:06

i agree with julia on this, but, i do admit this is somewhat cool.

personally, i wouldn't do something like this b/c i would rather do something else with my time. i don't know... in all due respect to the OP, i like the idea of it, but, i just wouldn't take GW this seriously since it is just a game. ^^

~LeNa~

The Little Viking · Apr 10, 2008, 04:07 AM // 04:07

Great Job. The 1 spot that really made me laugh was the first embarassing moment. (fireball farts, good 1). And I like the 10 commandments...truly, words to live by.
Thank you for the fun read.

RedStar · Apr 10, 2008, 04:15 AM // 04:15

It like a fanfiction. Some people draw, some people take screenshots and Tender and other peoples write stories.
It's a hobby, not an addiction to a game or something like that.

Anyway grats on the inspiration ^^.

kerpall · Apr 10, 2008, 05:22 AM // 05:22

agreed with Jonnie , i think this is creative and cool, but seriously, nothing better to do lol? anyways, *thumbs up* if this goes famous xD.

Agyar · Apr 10, 2008, 08:16 AM // 08:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tender Wolf

COMBAT
Be a Tease!
Want to really get under your opponent’s skin? Tease them! But teasing isn’t only looking good or acting sexy. In this case, make your opponent think you’re going to attack, and this will cause them to waste their energy, giving you time to dodge their attacks and strike them down. This is especially recommended for mesmers, as they can cast more quickly, thus wasting their energy faster and before you end your “attack”.
For opponents that cast larger spells, your best bet is to daze them. Otherwise, they will see you stop “attacking” and stop casting, thus rendering this method useless as their energy will be preserved.

If you're going to keep writing this type of drivel, you could at least make sure it's not complete nonsense.

fenix · Apr 10, 2008, 11:35 AM // 11:35

Once again, Agyar is right. Wut? That combat advice makes no sense in Guild Wars...

Queen Kitiara · Apr 11, 2008, 04:47 PM // 16:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenix

Once again, Agyar is right. Wut? That combat advice makes no sense in Guild Wars...

I think it's just a bit of fluff

I think if you look at the whole overall magazine one can tell it's all just a bit of fun...it's obvious that Tender is a creative soul, loves to dabble in all things and share it with us - and really guys, if she is lucky enough to have the time to delve in these things why not? I think many of us would like to have that kind of free time

Last time I remember saying "I'm bored" was like when i was umm 13? lolz, so go go Tender -enjoy that time while u can

I think if someone doesn't find creative stuff like this their cup of tea then ya it'd seem like they'd want to say "get a life" or "zomg why do u waste your time with this?" being that I make GW videos and it does take a lot of time I have to simply say that it's just a hobby i find just as entertaining and fun as playing the game - I also get to enjoy seeing it over and over- I think most creative people just find that doing stuff like this is "huge fun" for them...just like investing time in GW - in the end it's cuz the process of doing it is just plain fun.

Maybe posting a popular "build of the week" from say PvX wiki would be a wise choice if doing any combat tips...at least those have been rated by GW players

The embarrassing moments and profs horoscopes are a cute idea...it'd be great to see if people would send their embarrassing GW moments in...also I noticed that I love it when u add a pic to your article...it really makes it more magazine-like <3

I still think interviewing Sotw's from the TMW comp or even PNTM's winner Lokii Dia would be cool - it'd be neat to know a little either real life stuff about them or just more about how they love to play GW or their philosophy on what makes a good Screenshot

Keep on creating Tender - best wishes in anything u try

HikaruNoRose · Apr 11, 2008, 05:33 PM // 17:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Queen Kitiara

I think it's just a bit of fluff

I think if you look at the whole overall magazine one can tell it's all just a bit of fun...it's obvious that Tender is a creative soul, loves to dabble in all things and share it with us - and really guys, if she is lucky enough to have the time to delve in these things why not? I think many of us would like to have that kind of free time

Last time I remember saying "I'm bored" was like when i was umm 13? lolz, so go go Tender -enjoy that time while u can

I think if someone doesn't find creative stuff like this their cup of tea then ya it'd seem like they'd want to say "get a life" or "zomg why do u waste your time with this?" being that I make GW videos and it does take a lot of time I have to simply say that it's just a hobby i find just as entertaining and fun as playing the game - I also get to enjoy seeing it over and over- I think most creative people just find that doing stuff like this is "huge fun" for them...just like investing time in GW - in the end it's cuz the process of doing it is just plain fun.

Keep on creating Tender - best wishes in anything u try

Amen, Kiti. Amen. Just do what you enjoy and forgot about the negative stuff

Go, Tender Go!

Tender Wolf · Apr 11, 2008, 08:48 PM // 20:48

Thanks Kit, and all other supporters!

I wasn't sure how the magazine would work, since the newspaper seems to be a bigger hit. I may even combine the two together sometime. But since I've gotten mostly positive reviews, I'll probably continue.

To those who say they'd rather do something else with their time, that's fine but this is something I enjoy doing and no one is going to stop me. And as for the flamers, pull the corn cobs out of your butts. From my end, it seems like you're the ones with no lives since all you can do is find things to flame about for a +1 post count.

[DE] · Apr 11, 2008, 09:07 PM // 21:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tender Wolf

From my end, it seems like you're the ones with no lives since all you can do is find things to flame about for a +1 post count.

Nope. What's the point of reading a magazine filled with wrong and terrible information/tips? For example I'm sure you wouldn't want to read a beauty magazine (lolwut?) that gives you tips that aren't helpful and are completely off the mark.

Edit: +1

Agyar · Apr 12, 2008, 01:43 AM // 01:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tender Wolf

And as for the flamers, pull the corn cobs out of your butts. From my end, it seems like you're the ones with no lives since all you can do is find things to flame about for a +1 post count.

You continue to personally insult people who don't like your silly "publications," yet most of us are only making objective reviews. Honestly, what can you expect when you continually write similar pieces of nonsensical garbage? Not everyone is going to able to look past the complete factual inaccuracy, mediocre writing skill and repetitive content to praise you for spending your time doing it.

If you want to write nonsense, that's fine, but when you post it on a public forum you have to accept the negative criticism along with the positive. All you seem capable of accepting is subjective praise from your friends.

HikaruNoRose · Apr 12, 2008, 10:20 AM // 10:20

Ok. Come on. It's just for fun. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It's fun and creative. Just a little fanfiction. I mean, it's not that serious. If you have something negative say, just don't say anything at all, because all it's gonna do is just cause more problems

Nevin · Apr 28, 2008, 11:48 PM // 23:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Agyar

If you're going to keep writing this type of drivel, you could at least make sure it's not complete nonsense.

Ahahaha... Ahahahaahahaha. You mean you've never teased your enemies before?

On a serious note to the OP, God I didn't know such lunatics lived in our world.

Yuhe Ji · Apr 29, 2008, 02:19 AM // 02:19

Come on, no use attacking Tender Wolf for writing these. It's just for amusement. It's not like you're paying to read it or something.
When you ask what the point is, it's just a little extra entertainment. It's nice to have, especially since there isn't much in Lyssa's Fiction these days.

karlitea · Apr 30, 2008, 10:23 PM // 22:23

Who's she hurting exactly? And if she has an audience for it, she's not wasting her time at all. If you don't like it, fine... don't read it.